on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
