Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
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come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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