she looked like the before picture.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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