He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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