god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
