Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize