Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
