Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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