After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Your topless pictures make me question reality
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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