I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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