dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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