Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Did I show you my penis last night?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
