I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
did i just pee glitter
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