wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
