oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
