I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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