So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
