Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
