she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
