Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize