By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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