im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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