can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.