she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out