I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
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is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
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I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?