I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
