im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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