I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
FUCK WHALES
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