This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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