Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
