there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
