i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
