i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
