shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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