I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
