we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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