Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
