I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
