I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
