I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
