ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
