I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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