I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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