my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
