Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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