it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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