Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
