your room smells of hookers.
And success
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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