I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I touched a dick in church today
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