Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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