yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Drunk is not a location!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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