Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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