in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
how drunk are you?
Several
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
