Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
