His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
