I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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