So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
