Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
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Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize