They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
