i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
