Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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