I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
