This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
