hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
