I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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