You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
