someone get that fucking seahorse.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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