I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
